


Choiceless Hope in Grief

by reapersbarge



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Alexa this is so sad play "Doubt Comes In", F/M, Fix-It, Inspired by Orpheus and Eurydice (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), M/M, This will be sad, it's a sad tale, it's a tragedy, kind of, we're gonna sing it anyway, you'll have to see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21932977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reapersbarge/pseuds/reapersbarge
Summary: Follow Nina down to the Underworld in this Grisha retelling of the myth of Orpheus. With the rest of the Dregs around to help her accomplish her task, Matthias’ fate rests in his witch appeasing the God of the Dead.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik
Comments: 33
Kudos: 57
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work would not be possible without my lovely band of cheerleaders behind me. MoonlightMasquerade, wonderland1888, all-about-that-bookshelf, buckagain, definitely-not-procrastinating, grjsha, kayadraws, and shiningdaydream have all been instrumental in this (and a wonderful gang to work with). Special thanks to zemenipearls for all the help when I got stuck, and introducing me to Hadestown.

**Part One: The Voice that Urged**

Nina’s life was marked by a series of colors. White for the pleasure house she worked in. Black for the gang that protected her. Red for the Grisha Order she belonged to. 

Red for the color of Matthias’ blood on her hands. 

Inej had taken her aside to wash the gore away, but the water couldn’t cleanse her grief and rage. If she were still a Heartrender, she could have saved him. It would have been so easy. In her time with the Dregs, Nina had pieced together more bodies riddled with bullets than she could count. _Remove the bullet, stop the bleeding, close the wound, repeat if necessary._ The only power she had left was over the dead, and that wouldn’t bring him back. 

Nina glanced around at the room she sat in. The front parlour of the Van Eck house was decorated by someone with more money than taste. For all of the former occupant’s preaching about morality and severity, his house dripped with the wealth of a man who would toss out his own child. A painting of a serene woman attending to her tiny and tidy stitching loomed from over the roaring fireplace. Kaz would know better than she, but Nina idly wondered if it was a genuine DeKappel or just an excellent reproduction. Either would have cost Van Eck serious money. Gilding covered every inch of the room, from the edges of the end tables to the gold-capped pulls of the lamps. Portraits of Alys Van Eck winked in the firelight. Nothing indicated that Wylan existed. It was as if Jan Van Eck wanted to erase his firstborn, just as easily as he had erased his first wife. 

Nina took a great sense of pride in the fact that her muddy boots dirtied up Jan Van Eck’s ottoman. 

The new master of the house was the only other person sitting with her. Wylan’s ruddy curls seemed limp under his hands. He was, at once, too young for this grief and far too old for his years. Under the dull ache in her chest, Nina wanted to ease the burden on his shoulders. She knew what it was like to yearn for someone to wrap you in their arms and promise to make everything better. The lost look on Wylan’s face was one she was intimately familiar with. 

“I’m hungry.” Nina cleared her throat; her voice had cracked. “Want me to grab you something from the kitchen?” 

“I’ll go,” said Wylan. “I should probably start setting this house to rights.” 

He left. _So much for taking care of him._ Nina allowed herself to lay down and drift on the sofa. Closing her eyes for too long was the way to madness, but she was so tired. In between flashes of gun muzzles and pooling blood, she was aware of Inej sitting on the floor beside her. She brushed Nina’s hair back from her face and hummed a little under her breath. Nina calmed in the presence of the Wraith and allowed the other girl’s soothing ministrations to put her fully to sleep. 

Dawn was moments from breaking when Nina awoke. Kaz Brekker sipped coffee in the armchair across from her. 

“Wylan wanted to offer you a room upstairs, but Inej convinced him to leave you be,” he said without preamble. 

“Don’t you ever sleep, Kaz?” 

He shook his head. “Do you know what you’re going to do next?” 

Nina took a breath. What was she _supposed_ to do next? Matthias had asked her to take him back to Fjerda. He wanted to be buried in the homeland he loved. He wanted to be taken into Djel’s embrace. _And out of mine_ , she thought bitterly. A wild thought hit her, gripped her with unimaginable strength. _Djel._

“I need money,” Nina whispered. Kaz laughed at her. 

“How fortunate.” He took a sip of his coffee. “You’ve made a killing in the sugar industry.”

“I’m going to hire a Healer, someone who can keep him...stable. I’ll go to Fjerda and bury him.” _And find out if this is even possible._

The leader of the Dregs nodded, as if body transport was something he discussed daily. He made a few recommendations of Healers that could be trusted. She knew most of the names. Nina helped herself to a cup of coffee from the setting on the table. The quiet returned and the pair of them watched the windows lighten with the rising sun.

Inej, Wylan, and Jesper poured into the room. Their laughter and banter eased something in Nina’s chest. They settled before looking at her expectantly. She hesitantly laid out the plan forming in her head.

“ _We’ll_ be going, you mean,” Jesper said. His dark eyes looked fierce in the morning light. Inej nodded from her place by the fire.

“I can’t ask you all to come with me.” Nina took a sip of her coffee. _When did I refill it?_ “It’ll be dangerous enough without a band of criminals behind me.” 

“No, Jesper’s right,” Wylan said. “We’re your crew. We were _his_ crew. It’s up to us to see this through to the end.”

Kaz scoffed. “So eager to go back to the lovely hospitality of Fjerda?” 

Though he mocked the rest of them, he didn’t act surprised. Granted, Kaz never seemed at all shocked by the going-ons around him, but it was as if he expected the group’s nobler tendencies to arise. He rose stiffly and gestured for Inej to follow him out of the room. 

Jesper turned to look at Nina. “Circling wolves.” 

She let out her first laugh in what felt like days. 

\---

“He bought you _a ship_?!” 

The words left Nina’s mouth in something of a garbled shriek.

Inej closed the lid of the trunk that contained everything she owned. Nina, Matthias, a Healer named Erna, and the rest of their merry band of criminals would set sail in two days time, bound for Fjerda. They would be doing so in a ship Kaz Brekker had bought Inej. Some men might give you candies, but apparently Dirtyhands did nothing by halves. 

“He’s letting me go,” said Inej. “After our trip, I’ll set off to hunt the slavers. It’s a good crew; I met them this morning. Specht will be training me on how to be a captain.” 

A bubble of worry rose in Nina. “Won’t that be dangerous?”

The Wraith laughed, a cold and bitter sound. “Everything we do is dangerous, Nina. You know that. This way I’ll be making a difference.”

Nina threw her arms around Inej. Predictably, the other girl tensed a bit before she leaned into the hug. 

“We were supposed to get waffles,” Nina sniffled into Inej’s hair. 

The Wraith held onto her tightly. “There’ll be more waffles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: the chapter lengths get longer after this one. I am long-winded by nature.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here we see my favorite scene of the story. Bonus points if you can spot it.

Kuwei immediately opted out of going back to Fjerda. With a shrug in the group’s general direction, he had run off to join the Ravkans heading back to Os Alta. The crew going to Fjerda would take the _Ferolind_ , because the crew for the _Wraith_ wasn’t quite ready. Inej’s parents had opted to travel back to Ravka on a different ship rather than catching a ride with them. The Wraith insisted that they didn’t want to slow the crew down, but Nina thought it had more to do with their ragtag group of murderers and thieves. Still, the hug Mrs. Ghafa had given Nina before they left caused a swell of emotions to run through her. When was the last time she had gotten a hug from a mother? When she left her own, all those years ago? Even days later, Maia’s parting words brought tears to Nina’s eyes.

_“It will get worse before it gets better. Trust the Saints to believe that it will get better.”_

On the deck of the _Ferolind_ , Nina let herself believe that. Erna, the Fjerdan Healer they had hired to keep Matthias whole, refused to let Nina hover. She had been banished wholly from the Healer’s presence.

 _It’s not as if I will be any use in a healing room ever again,_ Nina thought from her perch on the deck. They were taught in the Little Palace that the healing room was meant for life; not death. Funny that Matthias still managed to turn her worldview upside down.

Nina leaned back against the railing, her eyes closed, the chill of the ship's deck sinking into her skin. She was alone and she was cold. She hadn’t been truly comfortable since the _Geldrenner_. The ache in her chest was ringed with ice.

Matthias had taken all the warmth with him.

\---

_Jesper ordered a mountain of food to the room. Matthias mumbled something about the demon being able to pay for it. One plate, towering with waffles and all manner of fruit landed in front of Nina._

_“How is all that sugar supposed to sustain you?” asked Matthias. “We’re on a mission, not at a social meeting.”_

_“Why can’t it be both?”_ _She popped a berry in her mouth and winked._

_“You are far too much trouble for your own good.” There was a distinct pinkness to his cheeks._

_But it all went wrong. The pink faded out of Matthias’ face and grey crept in. His eyes went dull, no longer vibrant blue. His cold hands reached across the low table for Nina._

_Matthias opened his mouth, chapped white skin surrounding blackened, broken teeth. A swarm of moths flew out behind the rotting stench of his breath. Nina screamed. Her hands reached up to cover her face, but they were warm and wet, sliding across her skin._

_She looked down to see her fingers coated in blood._

_“This is all your fault,_ drüsje _. You’ve killed me, just as I’ve always known you would.”_

Nina sat up in bed, clawing at her sheets. Her heart rate didn’t slow until she realized where she was. On the ship, bound for Fjerda. Matthias was dead, but still. He wasn’t the rotting figure of her dream. _It was just a nightmare. Saints, it wasn’t real._ She couldn’t lay in bed any longer. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the blood and the moths. The silence of her room echoed with Matthias’ voice.

Nina found Erna sipping a cup of tea near the bow. Before them stretched the True Sea, dark grey in the morning light. The Healer looked tired. Shadows had lodged in the hollows of her eyes. 

The ship had been at sea for three days. Erna had been looking after Matthias for four. The effort that goes into preservation like that was...immense, as far as Nina remembered from the Little Palace. The healing room was cold, but that wouldn’t be enough to keep the worst of it at bay. Erna was responsible for keeping the entirety of him in stasis. 

“If this trip takes any longer, I’m demanding a pay raise,” she said. 

If Nina was going to find out anything about Djel, starting with a Fjerdan wasn’t the worst idea.

“How long did you live in Fjerda, Erna?” she asked. The Healer’s smile spoke of homesickness and sadness. The hole in Nina’s chest throbbed. Another tall blonde in love with that frozen hellscape. 

“Until I was 10.” She took a sip of her tea. “I escaped to Ravka with my brother when the _druskelle_ came for us. He’s an Inferni. Someone saw Sebastian light a campfire without a match. Our mother, father, and grandparents were killed, as far as we know.” 

“Do you remember any stories from Fjerda? About Djel, specifically?” Nina took a seat across from Erna. The Healer scrutinized her over the top of her tea. 

“That way leads nowhere, Nina.” The pity in her voice was unbearable. 

Nina reached out and grabbed her hand. “Please, Erna.”

She sighed. “Get me another cup of tea and I will tell you everything my _amma_ told me.”

\---

“Djel is part of the land, as you well know. Amma always insisted the correct translation of _Djel_ in old Fjerdan was something like; ‘they who dwells in the heart and ice of the people.’ By this logic, Djel isn’t a masculine god. They are everything–simultaneously male and female. It’s only been in the last few hundred years that Djel’s been thought of as a man. Not entirely important, but you do hear those that follow the old ways refer to Djel as neutral. 

“In any case, my _amma_ was taught this by her _amma_ and so on. It was considered part of the sacred learning for girl children. Men go off and learn about Djel through the government; women learn at home. This knowledge is kept from the men. They wouldn’t want to hear it and we certainly don’t want to explain it. The men may do Djel’s work, but the women remember them as they once were. My _amma_ considered the latter just as important as the former. 

“The first story Amma told me was one of love: specifically, Djel’s love for Magna. He was a farmer on the west bank of Fjerda. When the ice thawed, Magna would sing as he planted his crops. His beautiful voice drew Djel in to listen. He knew the god lingered at the edge of his field. When Djel came, he would sing of love and beauty. The world bloomed bright and colorful every spring as Djel fell more and more in love with Magna. This continued for many years, until one spring, there was no singing. Magna had grown ill, a wasting sickness that stole his voice and vitality. 

“When it seemed there would be no recovery, Djel came to his bedside. They were filled with grief that the lovely farmer would last in this world no longer. Magna opened his eyes one final time and smiled at them. ‘I would stay with you,’ he whispered. And so it came to be. Magna left this world behind and joined Djel in the beyond. In the spring, if one listens closely, his voice can still be heard–singing in the wind of his love.

“The second story Amma told me was of Oden and Eliana. On their way to the southern border where a new home awaited them, they were attacked by roving marauders. One of the men grabbed Eliana and attempted to take her. In the ensuing struggle, she fell from the side of the road and tumbled down the cliff. Oden sank to his knees with a scream of anguish. Tears streaming down his face, he began to sing a mournful and beautiful song of his love for his wife. 

“The marauders ceased their attack. The birds perched in the trees fell quiet. Other caravans stopped in their travels to listen as the man sung. From the crowd came a whisper, ‘ _Follow the rowan trail until you reach the sea.’_ Oden sprang up, determined to find who would mock his grief, but none would claim they had spoken. 

“It took him three nights to convince himself act upon the whisper. It took another five to find the trail. Down Oden followed the path until he came to an outcrop in the cliffside. Far below him lay the churning ocean. ‘ _Leap fast!’_ came another whisper. ‘ _The door will close!_ ’ Oden decided he had nothing left to lose. His entire heart lay with Eliana in death. 

“Oden flung himself from the cliff. The cold arms of the ocean pulled him beneath the surface. As the air left his lungs, Oden gave himself over to the water. _Wanden olstrum end kendesorum_. He let the current take him down to the bottom of the ocean floor. When it seemed the water would finally claim his life, a door appeared in the wall of rock surrounding him.

“Oden swam towards the door. The cold seeped into his bones and made it difficult for him to move. His frozen hand clasped around the handle. He gave it an agonizing turn and pushed. In he fell, chilled beyond belief, but mercifully dry. Oden found himself in a dark hall. An eerie blue light filtered in from windows that should not exist. He certainly hadn’t seen them from the ocean floor. A large dais held two empty thrones at the end of the hall. Oden walked towards them, his boots thumping against the bare stone floor. As he approached, an icy wind danced through the room. His eyes blurred against the chill. When the breeze halted, two figures sat in the thrones. 

“‘Tell me, son of Yma, why you have come before us,’ said the person on the left. It was difficult to make out whether they were a man or a woman. Even the voice, cold as it was, held no clues. Oden gave the only answer he could.

“‘Grief, love, and a life too quickly ended.’

“The man on the right gave a long sigh. ‘I’ve told you, dearest, that this would come to pass.’

“His companion smiled. Warmth filled the hall at their expression and the light flickered to a golden haze. Then their face went blank, and the cold blue returned. ‘What can you offer, son of Yma, in exchange for your beloved?’

“Oden carefully considered the question. One such as this would not want the land he owned or the paltry gold in his coffers. He had no material gifts to offer that would suffice. While he would gladly give his life for Eliana, Oden knew his wife would curse him into eternity for even thinking such things. He had but one gift that no other possessed. So, standing in the glacial hall of Djel and their consort, Oden began to sing. 

“The courtiers attending to the pair sat upon the dais floor and wept. Their heavy veils covered their faces, but their cries still echoed in the cavernous hall. The light from the windows danced in a dizzying tumult of hazy grey, deep blue, and startling white. Tears raced down Magna’s cheeks. Djel closed their eyes and clasped their consort’s hand. It seemed as if the entire hall shared in his anguish as Oden sang words of Eliana’s spirit gone dim with death.

“When the song finished, Magna rose from his throne to embrace Djel. His fingers ran through their pale hair and he murmured words Oden could not hear. Magna then returned to his seat and gazed upon the widower before him.

“Djel beckoned one of the weeping courtiers to their side. The veiled phantom swayed with the force of their tears. Djel flicked the cloth away from their face. There stood Eliana. She turned her eyes to Oden. He was startled by how pale and cold she looked, as if all the color of life had been drained from her. 

“Djel spoke one word from their throne. ‘Go.’

“And so the couple tread back across the stone floor to the door. When opened, Oden and Eliana found themselves in the garden of their new home. Sunlight filled Eliana and her color returned. She was as vibrant and beautiful as she had always been. They embraced, finally together again. Their lives would intertwine once more and they would never again be parted.”

\---

Erna finished her tea and looked at Nina. “A lovely story, of course, but meaningless in reality.” 

The room seemed to spin. Everything she had learned about Fjerda was turned upside down in the span of a couple of stories. There was no record of any of this in the books at the Little Palace. Did Matthias know of these stories? His relationship with religion was fiercer than anything Nina had ever seen. She had to think he didn’t know. Surely something like Djel having a _husband_ would have come up in conversation. 

The Healer’s stories stayed with Nina throughout the journey. At night, she would replay the tales in her mind. The words filtered into her dreams like a sinister serpent wrapping itself around her throat, choking the life from her. _This is a fool’s errand, Nina_ , her mind whispered. 

_Sometimes, it is good to be foolish_ , she wanted to scream back. 

She let herself be buoyed by the crew. She smiled when someone told a joke, ate when a meal was set out, answered when people spoke to her. Nina crafted herself into the semblance of a functioning person. Judging by the looks she garnered when her laugh sounded hollow even to her own ears, her friends didn’t believe her. Thankfully, they let her keep up the facade. 

Nina’s composure lasted all through the crossing to Fjerda. It finally broke when they docked in Elling. Erna and Jesper maneuvered Matthias into a crate and covered him with blankets. Neither of them would allow Nina to watch. Erna tried to strong-arm her out of the door, but Nina’s more substantial weight was no match for the petite Healer. Jesper began a stream of excuses for her to be out of the room. The resulting argument descended into a screaming match between the two friends.

“For Saints’ sake, Nina, you don’t need to see this!” The sharpshooter threw up his hands. 

“Fuck you, Jesper! Just because you got something happy out of this nightmare doesn’t mean the rest of us did!” 

Jesper’s voice went deadly quiet. “You’re really going to throw that in my face right now?” 

“You screw up and end up with a happily ever after! I screw up and–” A gunshot cut off Nina’s screaming.

“Are you two done yet?” Kaz lowered the pistol in his hand. 

“Both of you are about to say things you’re going to regret,” said Inej. She fixed Jesper and Nina with her _I’m both disappointed and angry_ face. “Apologize. Now.”

Like scolded children, Nina and Jesper hung their heads and mumbled out apologies. Nina was half-worried Inej was going to make them hug it out or something equally asinine. Unfortunately, Jesper saw the look on her face and misread it. Nina was suddenly engulfed in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry,” said Jesper into her hair. He sounded far more sincere than he had moments ago. Any more of his kindness and pity and Nina would break. She nodded before pulling away. 

Erna chose that moment to reappear. “I will give you a nosebleed so terrible you pass out from blood loss if you don’t stay out of this room, Nina Zenik.” She yanked Jesper by the sleeve into the healing room and slammed the door.

“She’s going to fit right in here,” commented Wylan. 

Kaz snorted. “Come on, let’s get all the gear off the ship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember myths change through the years and things aren't always as they appear.


	3. Chapter 3

Sneaking out of Elling should have been terrifying.

Nina should have been concerned that someone would recognize them. It hadn’t been that long since they’d fled Fjerda, leaving a violent mess in their wake. The others seemed to be nervous. Not Kaz, obviously, but Wylan and Inej. The pale boy fidgeted with the strap of his bag so much Nina wondered if it would snap.

She couldn’t bring herself to feel anything. It was like her fight with Jesper had blown a switch in the back of her head, dulling her emotions. 

Nina kept her face blank and her voice quiet as Kaz arranged transport for them to leave the city. She didn’t care enough to listen to the details of how he’d pulled off that particular trick. All Nina knew was that a cart had been procured and she could sleep alone in the back with the box that held Matthias. 

_No_ , her mind corrected. _The box that holds Matthias’ body._

The rest of the crew kept oddly silent on the way out of the city. It was as if the frozen landscape and brilliantly colored buildings of Elling made the reality of their situation more visceral. In the midst of all the snow, they were in real danger here. Sneaking into Fjerda as unknown entities was one thing; coming in as possibly their most hated enemies was another. At any moment, a _drüskelle_ could recognize their faces and sound the alarm. They would all be thrown back in the Ice Court before you could say _krüge_. They would be imprisoned, possibly killed, or worse–tortured, especially if they found out Erna and Jesper were Grisha… And they were doing this for her, for Matthias.

A heavy weight lodged into Nina’s throat. These were her friends, the people she felt closest to in the world. All of them, even Kaz Brekker, had come to bury Matthias. Something warm and comforting wrapped around her at this realization. This was her family. Who else would take a long trip across dangerous waters to a hostile foreign land? Nina was unsure if she would ever be able to speak her gratitude aloud, but the tears streaking down her cheeks were not ones of grief, but unspeakable affection. 

It took hours for Kaz to find a place he deemed suitable for them to camp for the night. They weren’t far from the ocean, maybe a twenty minute’s walk from the cliffside that overlooked the churning water. The woods crept in this far south. Their measly camp seemed evenly placed between the sharp cliffs and the dense line of trees. 

“Cheery surroundings, Erna,” said Jesper as they sat around a small fire for lunch. “I can see why Fjerdans love their homeland so much. Scary cliffs and dead trees, plus all the snow.” 

“Careful, Jesper, all that talk might make me think you want to get a cottage with me during summer here,” replied the Healer. She flicked a piece of mushroom at Jesper’s head. 

“Does Fjerda _get_ summers?” asked Inej. “This place always seems so cold.” 

Nina swallowed a bite of her stew. “We’re what, four hours south of Elling? This close to Djerholm sees less snow than you would think. Yes, it’s cold, but look at the forest.” She gestured to the think line of trees. “There’s almost no snow on the ground below them.”

Erna nodded. “It’s not just the frozen wasteland most people think it is.”

“They should put that on the tourist brochures,” remarked Kaz. “‘Fjerda: not just a frozen wasteland; we have trees!’”

Everyone laughed, including a startled Nina. Saints, even laughter was foreign to her now. Inej glanced at her across the circle and grinned. Nina couldn’t make herself smile back. Inej looked back to the fire, disappointment clear on her face. _If I keep this up,_ thought Nina. _They’re going to start to seriously question my sanity._

After lunch was cleaned up, most of them relaxed in their seats around the fire. Nina took herself into the tent she shared with Inej. The bed roll was itchy and cold, but it was quieter in here than outside. She wouldn’t get any sleep anyway. Her dreams seemed hellbent on making sure she was as miserable as possible. It was enough to lay back and listen to the others’ muffled conversation. Nina thought she heard her name come up a few times, but she couldn’t bring herself to listen more intently. 

Instead, she paced her way back through Erna’s stories. If this Oden character had gotten to Djel, why couldn’t she? _They’re just fables_ , supplied her mind. Erna claimed they weren’t factual, merely stories women passed down. It wasn’t meant to be a map to the Fjerdan underworld. 

But what if it _wasn’t_ just a story? What if it had actually happened?

Round and round Nina’s mind went. Grisha were capable of things beyond belief. Alina, with her hands made of sunlight, had become a story. Zoya’s fierce storms were a frightening tale _drüskelle_ told each other over campfires. Even Nina’s own powers, twisted and changed as they were, would be unfathomable to someone who didn’t see them in person. 

In the midst of her musing, Nina must have drifted off. Not quite asleep, she still jerked upright when Wylan came clattering into the tent. His eyes averted upon seeing her in bed.

“Oh calm down, Wylan,” said Nina. She tossed a scratchy pillow at him. “I’m decent.”

He gave her a mischievous grin. Before he could say something, though, Kaz called their names.

“Hurry up! We need to come up with a better plan than ‘roving the wondrous Fjerdan landscape until we get caught!’” 

Biting back a sharp retort, Nina followed Wylan out to where the others were waiting. The fire crackled merrily in its pit. Someone, probably Inej, had conjured up blankets to put on the low rocks they were using as seats. Across a folding table, a detailed map of Fjerda was spread out. A cheery yellow pin marked their current location, a little under halfway between Elling and Djerholm. The cart (and its two horses) had greatly shortened the trip from the long, grueling journey it had been just a short time ago.

_Saints, has it really only been less than a month?_

Inej’s voice cut through Nina’s thoughts. “Where exactly should we head?”

“He’s from Felsted,” said Nina. She pointed out the town a little way inland from where they were. “I’d like to get us as close to the northern part of town as possible. It’s closer to where he grew up, on the ice.” 

“We’re going to be digging in the snow, aren’t we?” asked Jesper. Nina flinched. 

“Better than digging in Ketterdam,” said Kaz. “We’d just end up covered in mud and filthy canal water.” 

Nina shot him a grateful glance. He pretended not to see it. 

“With the cart,” he continued. “We should be there in a day, give or take. It’s probably best if we travel during the day. It’s less suspicious and harder to accidentally run into a tree. Erna can drive, as she’s _not_ a wanted criminal and speaks Fjerdan, while the rest of us hide in the covered wagon. We got seriously lucky on our way down the coast. That might not be the case as we head inland.”

Grim nods answered Kaz. No one, save Nina, wanted to be locked in a dark wagon with a corpse. 

“Tonight we can relax a little bit.” Nina let out a skeptical snort. When was the last time Kaz Brekker relaxed? He continued as if she hadn’t made a noise. “Erna, and my contacts in Elling, assured me this spot is about as remote as it can be. We won’t see any trouble from the _drüskelle_ here.”

“They think the forest is haunted,” said Erna. “It’s called the _Geistskogen._ Literally ‘ghost-woods.’”

Wylan laughed a little. Kaz raised an imperious eyebrow, but it only made him giggle harder. “We have all the makings of one of those bad scary stories my mom used to read to me.”

“If something goes bump in the night, you can crawl into my bedroll, merchling,” drawled Jesper. He gave the other boy a slow wink that brought pink to Wylan’s cheeks.

“Any of you try to crawl into mine, you’ll wake up missing a limb,” deadpanned Kaz. 

Nina couldn’t leave that one alone. “I’ll be sure to hide your knives before I come to steal your warmth.” 

“Nina, dearest, you’ll never find all of them.”

“Are they scaring you or is it just me?” stage-whispered Wylan to Jesper. 

The sharpshooter gave a shrug. “I stopped trying to understand them ages ago. It’s better for your health if you do the same.” 

Erna cleared her throat. The stern Healer wore a look Nina knew well: _what circus have I signed up for?_ “Be that as it may, we’re out of firewood. No fire means no dinner or any kind of warmth.”

Nina glanced up at the dark forest. Dusk had turned the lines of trees into something menacing.

“We could flip for it?” suggested Wylan.

“No,” said Kaz. “Nina and I will go. The rest of you start preparing for dinner. Erna needs to get back to the wagon.”

_What did he want now?_ Kaz had never been big on team-building exercises. What was this sudden need to spend time with her alone?

Skeptical as she was, Nina grabbed the empty basket from beside the fire and followed Kaz into the quickly spreading darkness. He was silent, apart from the dull thud of his cane against the hard earth. Nina refused to be the one to speak first; he dragged her out here, he could start the conversation. It took until they breached the forest line for Kaz to open his mouth.

“My contact in Elling had some interesting information.” 

Like that wasn’t vague and ominous. He passed her a scrap of paper and a bonelight. The green glow horrifically lit up his sharp features. 

_“Corpsewitch” Memo_

_Recent news has reached us from our brothers in Ketterdam. A witch who can control the bodies of the dead has been seen. Intel is unclear if this is related to the Hringkalle attack. All wild fables of this witch are to be stopped within the lower ranks._

“So they’re telling stories of me now?” asked Nina, her voice kept carefully neutral. “I do hope they managed to make them interesting.”

“Erna needs to Tailor you.”

The idea left a sour taste in Nina’s mouth. Logically, she knew she was too recognizable, especially once they travelled further inland. The world was small, especially for Grisha. Still, it irked her that Kaz would assume the other woman would have to be the one to alter Nina’s appearance. 

“I can do it,” she protested. 

Kaz lifted an eyebrow. “Prove it. Show me you can Tailor yourself and make it stick–without hurting yourself.” 

Nina brought her hand to a small birthmark on her left forearm. In the eerie bonelight, her skin looked sickly. She focused on the discoloration. It was a small change, something she should have been able to do without much thought. Nina wasn’t much of a Tailor, but even children could hide a birthmark. 

Sharp hunger twisted in her chest. If Nina closed her eyes, she could’ve been back under the deck of the _Ferolind_. The feeling clawed beneath her breastbone like a malevolent ghost. She lifted her hand.

The mark remained. 

“Erna can do it,” said Kaz. Nina shook her head.

“Let me–” 

“No, Nina.” The grim look on his face contradicted the sympathetic tone of his voice. _Pity from Kaz. How terrible has my life gotten?_

“Erna is a Healer, not a Tailor.” 

“She’ll manage,“ said Kaz. The tone of his voice sharpened in the wake of her defiance. “She’s a Corporalnik.”

“So am I!” shouted Nina, careless of what might be waiting in the dark.

“No, you’re not.” And there was the cruelty. Dirtyhands glared at her. 

Nina’s vision faded into a red haze. There was the heart of her rage. In this game of kings and demons, she was the one who lost the most. If anything, the others had come out victorious in this. Inej gained a ship and the freedom to make her life her own. Kaz’s new reputation made him the biggest boss in the Barrel. Jesper and Wylan had a cushy manor on the Geldstraat to go home to, complete with servants and a fortune. The battle was won, the monster imprisoned, and they could move on with their lives. All Nina had left was a broken heart, a corruption of her powers, and a dead body.

“And whose fault is that, Kaz?”

He took a step closer and brought one gloved finger up to point at her face. Their heights were roughly the same, but in his ire, Kaz seemed to tower over her. “Don’t blame me for that, Zenik. You came along willingly on the job. I didn’t hold you at gunpoint.”

“You may as well have!” Nina pushed at his chest. Stark rage danced across Kaz’s face. “‘Come with and Matthias will get his freedom!’ Like that wasn’t you dangling everything I’ve wanted over my head and telling me to jump!” She shoved at him again.

His hands seized her wrists and squeezed. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Nina yanked her hands back. The vice-tight grip of his fingers pulled him towards her. With the extra weight, she lost her balance and they both tumbled to the ground.

“Get off me!” Kaz’s elbow landed somewhere near her kidneys.

“Move your–”

The forest floor suddenly gave way beneath them and they plunged into the dark.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Two: The Last Shred of Truth**

They seemed to fall for a very long time. 

There was no sound in the gloom, not even air rushing by her ears. Nina only knew she wasn’t alone by the grip she had on the edge of Kaz’s coat. All that existed was their descent into utter blackness. Fingers tugging at her jacket brought a scream of panic to her lips that made no sound. It was only when she reached up did Nina realize it was just Kaz. 

Hours could have passed or it may have just been minutes. 

Eventually, they landed. But what greeted the windswept pair may have been worse than the endless darkness.

Nina noticed the smell first. It was like flowers left to wilt: saccharine with an undercurrent of rot. Everything felt damp, as if a rainstorm had just passed through. A dense canopy of trees kept the sky out of sight, but the light that trickled through was weak and pale. 

One thing was for certain: they were no longer in the same forest.

Kaz let out a groan from the ground beside her. There was blood at his temple and he clutched at his head. 

“Saints, Kaz, are you all right?” Nina kneeled down to check on him. His black eyes stared at her blindly, as if he couldn’t quite focus on her face. “Kaz!” 

Her hands twitched in the air above his head. She wanted to do something, anything that could help. Of course, she couldn’t touch him with any part of her power; Kaz was as unreachable as the sun. He rolled to his side and covered his face with his arm. “Stop fussing, Zenik, you’ll give yourself wrinkles.” 

“Don’t do that, asshole!” huffed Nina. Leave it to Kaz, looking like he was on Death’s doorstep, to still snark at her.

“I’m fine. Don’t go breaking out the widow’s weeds,” he mumbled. “Where are we?”

“I don’t know. But we’re not where we started.”

He sat up, heedless of her protestations. They both took in their new surroundings. A blanket of fog coated the forest floor. It was warm, far warmer than the campsite had been. Just barely visible beneath the fog was a stone pathway leading off into the trees beyond. 

“What are those?” asked Kaz, pointing to the ground around them.

Arranged in a loose circle were mushrooms. Inside the ring was soft, plush grass, while outside lay the brown, leaf-covered earth of the rest of the forest. Nina edged closer to the plump caps and nudged one with the toe of her boot. The cheery red mushroom didn’t move. She let out a strangled gasp and lifted a trembling hand to her mouth.

“It’s a ring, like the ones in the stories,” she whispered. “If you wandered into them, the _aos sí_ could snatch you and take you beneath the mounds. It’s from Kaelish folklore.”

“So what you’re saying is that Kaelish myths have kidnapped us?” Kaz lifted a skeptical brow at her as he got to his feet. 

Nina shook her head. “You’re not listening. No one ever comes back in the stories. You stay with them forever once they’ve decided to take you.”

“Do you see any other option?” asked Kaz. He was right. There was nothing behind or to the sides of them. Only ominous fog and dead trees. 

He stepped out of the ring and onto the path, gleaming cane in hand. “I don’t know about you, Nina dear, but I’ve got plans that don’t include myths. The only way out is through there.” 

\---

It wasn’t as easy as that. The path wound on and on. Several times, Nina was sure they had been lead in a circle, but the endless repetition of trees was probably playing tricks on her eyes. The light never changed. Wind never came to sweep away the fog. Nothing at all appeared to move in the forest. Aside from their breathing and footsteps, no sound reached their ears at all. 

The stillness felt too heavy to break, like laughing in a church service. With every step her feet took, however, Nina had the sense they were being watched. She looked around for any sign of attackers, but there was nothing besides the fog and the trees. After the third time the hair on the back of her neck stood up, she cast a glance at Kaz. He caught her gaze and gave a single crisp nod. _So he feels it too. Like this is all about to go very badly._

After several hours of walking with nothing but the heavy clank of Kaz’s cane to interrupt the silence, the path turned sharply. It led into a denser concentration of fog. There, the gloom swallowed up the cobblestone path entirely. Nina and Kaz stopped before they could reach it. 

“‘The only way out is through there’?” she quoted his earlier words back at him. 

Kaz prodded at the heavy mist with the end of his cane. “It appears so.” 

“You first,” singsonged Nina.

He might have mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like “coward,” but he marched into the sea of fog. 

Nina listened for the sound of his steps and cane. Nothing. He had disappeared entirely. 

“Kaz?” she called. No answer. “Kaz? Answer me, Brekker!”

One black hand plunged out through the gloom and grabbed the front of her coat. Nina was pulled through the wall of grey, batting at the hand blindly. She aimed a kick in the direction of her attacker and was rewarded by a pained yelp. 

“Fuck! Nina, cut it out!”

The fog cleared and there was Kaz clutching at his shin. A snappy retort died on Nina’s lips as she looked to what was in front of them.

A grand staircase led up to an ornate…house, though that felt like too small of a descriptor for the marble monstrosity before them. Everywhere they looked was as if nature was trying to reclaim the building for itself. Vines crept up the sides to entangle themselves in the delicate iron filigree of surrounding balconies of the upper floors. Flowers heavy with thorns peaked out from cracks in the pale exterior. Not a single light appeared to be lit in any of the multitude of windows. The house had a distinct air of neglect and rot.

“Cheery,” said Nina. “We should really bring the gang here on holiday.”

The corner of Kaz’s mouth twitched. As if summoned by her voice, the front double doors swung open. 

“You first this time,” said Kaz. He tapped his cane against her shin.

“Why does everything involving you turn out to be a bad idea?” muttered Nina. She yanked the edge of his coat as she stepped towards the house.

 _If I’m going in there, he’s coming too_ , she thought to herself, carefully taking the stairs to the entryway. _Let whatever’s in there eat him first and get so sick from the bitter taste that it doesn’t even bother with me._

Nina blinked as she adjusted to the sudden dimness in the house. They were in a cavernous stone room. It looked nothing like the exterior, whose complex intricacies wouldn’t have been so out of place on the Geldstraat. The dark stone floors and walls reminded Nina of the old castles and fortresses she had seen drawings of in the books at the Little Palace. This was a show of strength. The only nod to beauty was the tall, peaked windows that dotted the sides of the hall and let in an eerie blue light. Kaz and Nina stood alone in a room that could have comfortably accommodate the entire Second Army. With room to dance to boot. 

At the back of the rectangular hall appeared to be a raised platform of some sort. From this distance, Nina couldn’t exactly tell what it was, but there was nothing else in the room. She made an “after you” gesture with her hand and followed Kaz across the floor. The light from the windows never flickered. It remained a constant, dim blue, like it was being filtered through a sheer silk scarf. The rapping of Kaz’s cane echoed far more loudly than it should have. Every clank sounded like one of Wylan’s bombs going off beneath their feet.

As they approached the back of the room, the details came better into focus. Two large thrones sat upon a raised dais. They seemed carved from a gleaming dark stone, heavy with overlapping diamond shapes that came to a point far above where a person’s head would rest. Alarm bells began to ring in the back of Nina’s mind.

“Kaz,” she whispered. “We shouldn’t be here.”

“No kidding,” he replied dryly. She stretched her arm out to stop him as they reached the foot of the stairs leading up to the dais. 

“No,” said Nina, as the light from the windows grew brighter and brighter. “We really shouldn’t be here.”

The blue blazed until it blinded them completely. Nina covered her face with her hands to try to keep the light out. 

“How right you are, Miss Zenik,” came a melodious voice in crisply accented Kerch.


	5. Chapter 5

The lights dimmed to a more tolerable level. The hall was no longer empty. Two figures sat upon the dark thrones. Surrounding the dais were heavily veiled attendants standing completely still.

On the left lounged a lithe form in pale tones: white and silver robes, skin the color of fresh cream, and long, fair hair that glimmered like moonlight. Their face could have been considered severe, as it was a study of angular lines, if it were not for the slight smirk upon their thin lips. Given the person’s considerable height, Nina thought they may have been a man, but there was a softness at their edges that belied that. 

The figure on the right was dark where his companion was fair. His smile appeared more sincere and less cunning than the other’s. It stretched across his face and emitted a warmth like the sun. A heavy lidded dark brown eye winked at Nina when he saw her appraisal. The wild collection of locs that reached to below his ears seemed to dance with the motion. 

“Miss Zenik, Mr. Brekker, you are so very far away from home,” said the fair one. 

“You have us at a disadvantage,” began Kaz. “You seem to know us, but we don’t know you.”

The man on the right leaned forward in his seat and ran a hand across his goatee. “Is that so? Come now, Miss Zenik; you have all the puzzle pieces.”

“Djel,” whispered Nina. “And Magna.”

In one fluid motion, the starlit figure slipped from their throne before sinking into a deep bow. When they rose, a mischievous smile touched their lips.

“You’ve been paying attention to Miss Falk’s stories,” they said. “They are not completely accurate, I’m afraid, but they are a far better rendition than the tales told by the Fjerdan men.” 

Kaz held up a hand. “Forgive me, but are you claiming to be _Djel_? As in the Fjerdan god?”

“I thought you cleverer than that, Mr. Brekker.” Djel frowned and the light in the room appeared to dim.

“I _am_ clever,” snarked Kaz. “You did manage to steal the smartest of our gang.”

“Smartest?” asked Nina, desperate for a bit of normalcy in this dizzying environment. “You flatter me, Brekker.”

“I was referring to myself, Nina. We both know how easily you are distracted by shiny things.” 

The couple on the dais watched them with amused fascination. Djel sank about into their seat and flicked a hand out. Two chairs appeared behind Nina and Kaz. They eyed them skeptically, sure they were going to bite or something equally horrible.

“You’ve been walking for hours,” said Magna, not unkindly. “At least take the opportunity to rest.” 

To Nina’s surprise, her chair was quite comfortable. The plush fabric seemed to melt away all the aching in her feet and legs. A small ottoman popped up for Kaz’s bad leg. Even his stubbornness faded in the wake of their long journey. 

“Is this where you lure us into a false sense of safety?” asked Kaz.

“Not at all,” said Djel. “Why don’t we play this your way, Mr. Brekker?”

“My way usually involves more people, guns, and a floorplan.”

“Of course!” exclaimed Magna. “How could we have forgotten the rest of your merry band?” 

“You all caused _quite_ a stir at the Hringkalle celebration,” added Djel. 

One of the veiled attendants brought forth a glass of wine for their approval. It seemed to pass whatever test and glasses were poured for the rest of the seated party. Nina glanced at the berry-coloured liquid. She was incredibly thirsty, but she didn’t dare take a sip. Several Kaelish myths warned against drinking or eating anything after falling through a ring. Once you drank of their fare, you were there forever. If the resulting stupor didn’t drive you mad, of course. 

“It won’t harm you, little Grisha,” said Djel. An almost kind smile crossed their face. “It is only wine.”

“Dearest, we’re straying from the point.” Magna clapped his hands together and white flames spread across the hall. They didn’t burn or feel very much like anything at all. Startling to see, but they did nothing more than whip through Nina’s hair like a strong breeze. Her vision went entirely white for a moment. _If all this blinding light keeps up, I’m going to get a headache._

When the flames cleared, Inej, Jesper, and Wylan were left standing between the seated Dregs and the dais. 

“What the–” Jesper tripped over Kaz’s ottoman before he could finish.

Inej had her knives drawn before Nina could even register their sudden appearance. Wylan reached a hand to his satchel, where he always kept a few things that went “boom”. 

_If Djel and Magna can do_ that _, what else can they do?_

Nina tossed what she hoped was a reassuring glance at the newcomers. Mercifully, Jesper’s hands stayed off his revolvers and the Wraith tucked her blades away. 

“If we could all just settle down,” said Djel, before casting their hands wide open, as if to embrace the whole room. Three more chairs appeared around Kaz and Nina. 

“Now,” they continued. “What business?”

\---

It took several minutes to get the others caught up. They, in turn, explained what had happened in the hours since Kaz and Nina had left the camp. 

“A _drüskelle_ raid? How?” Kaz frowned. “I was told several times by my contact in Elling that the military never came through there.”

“About that–” began Wylan, a look of hesitation on his face. 

“They sold you out,” interrupted Jesper. “Apparently, we’re big money right now. One of the soldiers said your little friend has taken himself off to retire in a nice seaside cottage.”

“What about Erna?” _And Matthias._ Nina didn’t care a whit about Kaz’s backstabbing contact. 

“She got out–with the cart,” said Inej, turning towards the other girl. The Wraith’s soft smile eased the tension in Nina’s shoulders. “Wylan let off a smoke bomb to give her the time and cover to get away. It was brilliant.”

Their cherubic demolitions expert blushed a little at the praise.

“Yes, yes, Wylan is the Saints come again,” said Kaz, waving his hand dismissively. “What happened after that?”

Jesper gestured to the wider room. “We ended up here.”

Magna cleared his throat and gave a guilty smile. Four of the Dregs seemed to remember where they were and who they were with again. Though Kaz reclined in a manner more suited for a lounging prince, his right hand never relaxed its deathgrip on his cane. 

“That’s because I willed it so,” explained Magna. He took a sip of his wine. “You three will be necessary to what’s to come and I didn’t want you to be bashed about by those thugs. Miss Falk did indeed escape capture. A farmer and his wife have taken in her and her cargo. They will be well looked after.”

Nina took a moment to compose herself. _Safe. They are both safe._ She let out a breath before asking, “What is it exactly that you want with us?”

“It’s not what _we_ want, little Grisha,” said Djel, pointing their glass in her direction. “It is what _you_ want. You sit in front of gods; state your desire.” 

“Impossible,” interrupted Kaz before Nina could speak. “I’ll buy the transporting of people and objects. Certainly, incredibly strong Grisha are capable of many things, but what you’re insinuating is beyond that. No one can accomplish that, not even a Heartrender on _parem_.” 

“No one can, Kaz?” asked Nina, her voice deadly quiet. “Think about what I did when we escaped the Ice Court. How many bullets went right through me before healing instantly?”

He shook his head. “You were never dead. There’s a difference between healing and resurrecting. It’s bullshit, I’m telling you now.”

Inej cast a quelling look at Kaz. _He’s going to get himself killed if he keeps talking like that,_ thought Nina. Far from offended, Djel and Magna looked more amused than anything. It was like they were watching a kitten taking its first wobbly steps. Djel rested their chin on one pale fist.

“You have a familiar face, Mr. Brekker. Though the one I met bore a different name.” 

Kaz’s hand tightened on his cane. Nina was sure the hand holding his wine glass would cause it to shatter. “Don’t.” His voice cut across the room and Nina had to keep herself from flinching. 

“So very familiar, that fire.” Djel smiled, but it was no longer the amused twinkle of a distant, though friendly relative. “You are his mirror image, you know.”

The wine glass _did_ fracture then. Glimmering crystal fragmented to the floor like the tinkling of bells. “I said, ‘don’t’. You do _not_ want to push me on this, I assure you.”

All of the sparkling glass shards and wine disappeared before they could hit the floor. Djel’s face brightened with fascination. “Ah, there you are, Dirtyhands. I had wondered when we’d finally meet.” 

For the first time, Magna’s face no longer looked slyly cheerful. Instead, he seemed cautious of whatever game the two of them were playing. Nina would bet it came in a tidy box titled _Who’s the Bigger Monster?_ and no rulebook. As much as she pushed and prodded at Kaz, even Nina knew where the line was. It looked like a bright red warning flag in the shape of his carefully blank face and sounded like that harsh, cold tone of his voice. 

Magna cut the tension in the room by clearing his throat. “If we could return to the matter at hand…”

Djel gave a start and the slightly feral look in their eyes retreated. A thin hand flicked from under their silver robes. One of the attendants moved to kneel at the god’s feet, facing the assembled Dregs. A sharp breeze whipped through the hall to lift the veil that covered them from crown to knee. It settled behind his broad shoulders. Nina gasped.

“ _Matthias_.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told y'all this was going to be sad so don't come at me with pitchforks.

He was different. Matthias had changed, even from the pale, lifeless body on the cart. Nina cataloged each difference as it rattled through her brain like a gunshot: grey skin; blank eyes; long, limp hair; healed bullet wound on his bare, emaciated chest. He looked closer to a plague victim than the strong _drüskelle_ or even the wild convict. He didn’t speak, didn’t acknowledge the stunned audience before him. Matthias’ eyes stared at the back of the hall behind them without blinking. 

Nina was so distracted by the appearance of Matthias that she didn’t realize another had kneeled beside him until Inej made a wounded noise. She startled, as she had never heard the Wraith _ever_ sound like that. 

“Nothing is impossible, Mr. Brekker,” said Djel. 

_What’s Kaz doing on the floor?_ thought Nina.

That was not Kaz Brekker. The man before them had a firmer build. Those same abyss-dark eyes stared blankly from under a heavier brow. He was more solid than Kaz, who often looked like a sharp wind would knock him over. His arm was free of the cup and crow that marked each of the Dregs. 

To her surprise, the Barrel boss on Nina’s right gave a cold laugh. “You seem to be mistaken, Djel. Jordie was 15 when he died and this man clearly is not. Clever, to simply make a copy of me, but that’s not my brother.” 

The man kneeling on the floor murmured something then, too low for Nina’s ears to catch. Whatever he said caused Kaz’s face to pale further in the ghostly light of the hall. In a flash, he was on his feet, the length of his cane tilting the other man’s head up. Inej shifted in her chair, as if ready to restrain Kaz or help him. The man on the floor spoke again. This time, loud enough for Nina to hear. 

“Don’t take him, please. He’s all I have left.”

One gloved hand yanked then man’s head back further. A thin rope of scar tissue wound underneath the sharp edge of his jaw.

“Sit down, Mr. Brekker,” chided Djel. “Manhandling him won’t do anyone any good.” 

Magna gestured for one of the other attendants to come forward and Nina was horrified that it would be another supposedly dead person. However, all they did was refill the god’s wine. “We understand this all may come as a bit of a shock, but we do have a larger plan in mind.”

“And that is?” asked Inej, her voice nearly as icy as the hall. 

“Patience, Ms. Ghafa,” said Magna. “Let us dangle the possible rewards above your head first.”

Wylan raised an eyebrow. “So we all get a dead person then? I don’t think I have anyone special I’d like to unearth.”

“Maybe we could just drag your father down here,” suggested Jesper. 

“It’s much more satisfying knowing he’s alive and having to live with the fact that I’m running his business now,” he replied, shaking his head lightly. 

Djel looked curiously at Wylan for a moment. _Figured out he’s not quite as soft as you originally expected?_ thought Nina. “Is there truly nothing you’d like from us? Not even your mother returned whole and hale?”

“She’s not–”

“The soul can leave the body in a number of ways,” interrupted Magna, not unkindly. “There are quite a few people who dwell here that have left a living body above us. Those, like your mother, who have retreated so far into themselves that they come here to live as our residents.”

A woman flickered into existence just then. Nina could see Wylan in her, from the color of her hair to the slim tips of her fingers. She had a softness to her that Wylan had long lost in the Barrel. Nina wondered exactly when the kid had turned as hard as the rest of them. The woman, _Marya_ , some part of her brain supplied, appeared diaphanous in the cold, blue light. She was far less solid than Matthias or this “Jordie” character. 

“That’s why she seems so out of it,” said Jesper. “Marya’s not really there; she’s here.”

Djel raised their glass to the sharpshooter. “Excellent observation, Mr. Fahey.”

Another person stepped forth from the mass of attendants gathered at the edges of the room. She threw back her veil to peer at the Dregs with kind eyes. Her tall, slim figure was far more graceful than Jesper, but Nina could see where he got his height. Her dark skin contrasted with the loose, silver robes she wore. It reminded Nina of the way the night sky met the light of the moon. Even in death, Aditi appeared lovely. And the broken gasp Jesper made at the sight of her ripped something apart in Nina’s chest. He reached out his hand as if to touch her, but made no move to get up from his chair. _Fear,_ thought Nina. _He’s afraid she won’t really be there._ It was a worry she dearly understood.

“Da’s going to be beside himself,” whispered Jesper. Wylan stretched out to grab the other boy’s hand. 

Inej cleared her throat. Her brow furrowed and her eyes held a stark rage Nina had only previously seen directed at the likes of Tante Heleen. She assumed this situation warranted it; Inej was not fond of kidnapping as a rule. Add in the distressed faces of her friends and the shaking of Kaz’s hands, and Nina was sure the Wraith had just about reached her breaking point. 

“Enough,” snapped Inej. She jumped up from her chair and moved to stand in front of Jesper. “I am getting extremely tired of this situation. You drag us all down here, parade our dead loved ones before us like you're selling them at market, and for what? You opened this conversation with ‘what business’, so I will ask you: _what do you want with us?_ ” 

Neither Djel nor Magna moved to answer her. 

“What fucking game are you playing here?” Inej’s voice echoed in the cavernous hall. Jesper’s trembling hand snaked around to encircle her wrist. Some of the fury seemed to drain out of her at the touch. She was every bit as quiet as the name she earned in the Barrel suggested when she spoke next. “What business?”

The answering silence seemed to echo. Magna regarded Inej with a careful smile. Where his partner seemed almost unhinged, he was kind. The contrast was dizzying to Nina, but she was sure he was just as dangerous as the pale figure beside him. 

“It’s a relatively simple task,” began Djel. “You will find four objects for us. They are all within this realm, so we will house you in one of our guest buildings. You have until the end of the moon cycle, three days. If you fail, you will leave empty-handed. If you succeed, you will take your loved ones with you.” They paused to take a sip of their wine. “An apple made of spun starlight. A knife held in the heart of a dying star. Water from a well fed by a goddess’ tears. The wailing call of a hard heart shattering.” 

All four of the seated Dregs stared at them. 

Jesper spoke first. “Like _that_ won’t be hard.”

\---

Before the gang was dismissed, the collection of their loved ones vanished from the dais. It was jarring for Nina to see Matthias slip away from her again–like a kick to an already broken bone. None of the group looked completely steady. Jesper held on tightly to Wylan’s hand as they followed one of the attendants out of the hall and across the sprawling grounds. Like the paths Nina and Kaz took to get there, the surrounding forest was quiet, eerie, and dead. _Much like everything else here_ , thought Nina.

Eventually, they reached a moderately-sized cabin. A cheery column of smoke drifted from the chimney. “Think a witch is going to come and gobble us up?” murmured Inej. Nina smothered a laugh behind her hand. 

Rooms in the cozy house were chosen. No one flinched when Kaz stalked into his and slammed the door. The rest of them settled near the fire with bowls of soup that had been left on the stove. Nina was reminded of the tense, quiet moments in the Van Eck manor after all the chaos in the Church of Barter. All of them shell-shocked, none of them wanting to speak. It was enough to sit in silence together and be dumbfounded by their shared experience. 

It was Jesper, of course, who spoke first. “If we want to find these things, we need to understand where we actually are. I wonder if the main house, castle, whatever, has a library.” 

“I might duck out from that trip,” said Wylan. 

“No.” They turned. Kaz stood in the doorway of the living room. “We’ll need all the help we can get.” 

Nina nudged Inej beside her on the couch. “Scheming face?” The other girl toasted Nina with her bowl.

“That library won’t know what hit it,” replied Inej, clinking her spoon with Nina’s. 

They began to plan a search of the palace after dinner. It was safer for Inej to scout ahead. Having the rest of them bumble around would only cause more problems, whereas the Wraith could make herself invisible. She left after sundown, though Nina wished she had waited until morning. None of them knew what might wait in the darkness. 

Inej returned two tense hours later and helped Wylan draw up maps. After a quick nap, they trooped out to go find the library. Luckily, the lines and curves of the plans were easily visible in the cold torchlight of the halls. Their path through the quiet palace was quick and straightforward. They met no one, living or dead, on their way in.

“Looking at the pretty pictures, merchling?” teased Jesper. That he felt comfortable enough to make light of Wylan’s problem said a lot about their relationship, in Nina’s opinion. That Wylan laughed said even more.

He broke off whatever it was he was going to say next with a loud, “Uh, guys?”

They all set down their books and moved to crowd around him. In Wylan’s hand sat an apple, made of sparkling glass threaded with strands of silver filigree. A nervous excitement flickered through the group. Nina exchanged a grin with Jesper as Kaz plucked the fragile-looking sphere from Wylan’s hand.

“Well, I think this just might be doable.” A very unlike Kaz smile stretched across his pale face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets dark, folks. I'm earning my tags here. Trigger warnings for horror, gore, etc. for the rest of the story. This will be your last warning.

**Part Three: The Immediate Forgiveness**

Of course, they weren’t all going to just leap from the pages of a book and into their hands. Wylan tried describing the moment he touched a detailed illustration–how the drawing seemed to solidify and gracefully sink out of the book. It was all too extraordinary to be believed. It was the truth, however, and the proof of it was secured in Wylan’s satchel. The apple was hollow inside, but as sturdy as anything. It wouldn’t get damaged in transport, something Nina worried about upon seeing it. 

The group split off from the library in pairs. Jesper and Nina decided to take a look at some of the empty bedrooms on the same floor, while Kaz and Wylan went to explore the greenhouse. Inej headed for the attic, sure a house this size would have one. 

“No mourners,” began the Wraith as they left the library.

“No funerals,” replied the others. 

It was eerie, walking around a seemingly empty house. Nature appeared determined to reclaim the building for herself; vines broke through cracks in the walls, moss carpeted the hallway floor. Nina started to tell Jesper a joke, but then remembered how she had spoken to him after disembarking _the Ferolind_. She had been pretty horrible to him.

So she let the silence hang in the air. Jesper didn’t seem all that interested in breaking it either. While it wasn’t his responsibility to ask for an apology, Nina felt awkward bringing it up. Jesper hummed some cheery tune in lieu of making conversation. They cleared three rooms like that, silent save for Jesper humming. In the midst of the fourth, Nina couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” she said, still halfway buried in a cobweb-filled wardrobe. “I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.” 

Jesper gave one of his shrugs that was designed to look carefree and unaffected. “It happens. All of us are still a little on edge from everything.” 

Nina knew better than to believe that tone of voice, but she was cut off by a loud bang. The rotted wall he had been poking at for the past ten minutes crumbled apart, as if someone had tugged at an unseen seam. Like one of those paper poppers used at St. Nicholas’ Day, things began to fall from the split. But there were no delicate crowns or sweets. Aged bones and rattling skulls spewed onto the floor at Jesper’s feet. The sharpshooter gave a shout that startled Nina more than anything. She whacked her head on the door of the wardrobe before landing squarely on her behind.

 _It wasn’t Jesper humming_ , she realized with a shiver of dread.

Jesper seemed paralyzed as the tide finally slowed. Nina shoved herself to her feet and yanked him back against the opposite wall. The humming took on a creepy tone, like a child’s song being sung just a little offkey.

“We need to go,” whispered Jesper. Nina started to nod, but the noise began to make sense, like words at the edge of her hearing. It wasn’t _like_ a child’s song; it _was_ one. Nina had sung it herself, as a small girl spinning in the garden of the Little Palace. 

“ _Kalinka, kalinka, kalinka moya!_ ” 

“Wait, Jes.” 

He stared at her askance. “What?”

The voices repeated the phrase over and over again. Nina clasped her hands over her ears and shouted, “Quiet!” 

Jesper opened his mouth, likely to ask why the hell she was shouting at him, but she held out a hand. One voice continued the song before trailing off.

“ _V sadu yagoda malinka, malinka moya..._ ” 

Nina looked to Jesper, aware of how mad the whole scene appeared. 

“I know where we need to go.”

\---

The others returned as empty-handed as Nina and Jesper were. After she explained her theory, Nina led the others out to the grim woodlands beyond the palace. The voices were directing them to a garden, so to a garden they would go. They twisted through the dark and shadowy paths until Nina came to a sudden stop with Kaz at her back.

“Guys?” called Wylan from the back of the group. “What’s going on?”

Neither Nina nor Kaz seemed capable of speech. 

Before them lay a walled-in garden of staggering lushness. Flowers bloomed as far as the eye could see. Trees heavy with fruit dangled their treasures just within reach. Even the ground was a sprawling green carpet of soft grass. These aspects, though beautiful, did not cause them to stop and stare. It was the five small doors spread out in the midst of the riot of nature. 

Inej took a hesitant step forward to peer around the back of the closest one. “There’s nothing there. They’re just...doors.” 

“They’re not even attached to anything. No walls, no fences,” said Jesper. 

Wylan examined the front of one. “There’s a symbol on this one. It looks like a knife.”

“Could it be the knife that Djel wants?” asked Kaz. 

“I don’t think so,” replied Wylan. “The handle looks really familiar. I just can’t place it.” 

The Wraith came to stand in front of him and withdrew one of her many knives. “It is.”

The brand on the door looked identical to the wicked dagger in Inej’s hand. Each of the other doors bore a symbol: a crow, a gun, a heart, and a book. 

“I highly doubt that last one is for me,” deadpanned Wylan. Jesper drew closer to it, heedless of Inej’s attempt to pull him back.

“No, it is for you. See, it’s not words written on the pages. It’s equations of some sort.”

“It looks like some kind of algebra or–”

Kaz cleared his throat. “And we can either spend time deciphering the nonsense equations written on the door or we can go through them.” 

“Go _through_ them?” demanded Nina. “Have you lost your mind? There’s nothing behind the doors.”

“Does anything else make sense in this situation?” asked Kaz. “We’re not here for a nice holiday, Zenik. There’s a door with a symbol that relates to each one of us. _Obviously_ we’re meant to open them.”

They spent several minutes arguing back and forth. The others were either too frightened to be the one shouted at next or were content to watch them scream it out. No one noticed when Inej slipped through the door marked with a dagger. The click of the lock snapping back into place broke Nina and Kaz out of their argument. 

“Well, that settles that,” said Jesper before heading through his door. 

Nina glared at Kaz a final time and turned the knob on hers. _I am going to regret this._

\---

“You can do this, Zenik,” she whispered to herself. “Whatever it is can’t be that bad.”

It was worse.

The door swung open as soon as her fingers touched the handle. Nina walked into the dark. A dim glow lit the room with a cold, weak light. With a soft breeze, the door closed behind her. Hundreds of mirrors taller than her were scattered throughout the large hall. They seemed to stand on their own, without a base or backing. Their positioning formed a loose path, but Nina’s mind couldn’t make sense of it. 

A labyrinth of mirrors reflected her own pale face at her. 

She took a cautious step. The multitude of Ninas fled. No one looked back at her now. Another step. The mirror closest showed the front door of The White Rose. Step. She was now at the beginning of the maze. 

And there stood Matthias in the mirror. 

He was golden once more and smiling. His hair fell down below his chin, just as it had been on the ice. Matthias gave Nina that amused, exasperated look of his. The expression he kept just for her. But he turned, as if someone unseen and unheard was calling his name. From one heartbeat to the next, Matthias vanished into the next mirror.

“No, wait!” cried Nina. Her feet took her towards his retreating figure, deeper into the maze. 

She could just barely see him, a handful of mirrors down the path. Nina picked up her speed, hands stretched out to reach him. In her haste, she ran straight into a mirror. The path should have been clear, but it was only a reflection. She whipped herself around, searching for Matthias, but he was long ahead of her. 

“Nina.” A whisper at the edge of her hearing.

“Nina.” The shocked tone of when she had managed to surprise him. 

“Nina!’ A scream, guttural and pained. 

Her hands flew to her ears. She was desperate to keep his voice at bay. She turned and ran blindly. Tears gathered in her eyes. Now every mirror held his face. Matthias laughing, smiling, crying, screaming. The unbalanced rage in his eyes when he had held her to the floor by her throat.

The voices overlapped with each other. What began a pleased sigh, ended a horrified moan. 

This was madness. She couldn’t do this any longer. 

The Matthias from the first mirror, as untouched by betrayal and death as he’d been when they’d first met, called out, “ _Drüsje_!” 

Nina stopped in her tracks. She took in his uniform, that symbol of hatred. But there was love in his eyes. Her heart squeezed at the light that seemed to emanate from him. “Matthias,” she whispered. “ _Drüskelle_.” 

His face contorted into ugly wrath. “I knew you’d be the death of me.” Fjerdan words paired with Fjerdan contempt. 

Nina fell to her knees in front of the mirror. She no longer registered the other voices. She only saw him walk away from her. Her hands balled into fists. They smacked at the glass over and over again.

“Matthias!” she screamed. “Matthias!”

Something wet touched her face. Blood or tears, it was all the same.

“Come back!” But he was gone. 

Nina pulled herself to her shaking legs. Determination filled her chest. She just had to find him again. _He’s here._ Onward she stumbled, past the false images. Her name echoed in her ears, carried by a thousand different versions of his voice. 

The path turned her around in dizzying circles. She bumped into more mirrors than she could count.

“Nina!” came a new cry. This one scared and muffled. 

Sensing he was close, Nina listened harder for that voice. She followed its dull, terrified sound. The path twisted. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right–

Nina screamed.

There before her was Matthias. Not held in a mirror, but whole and just a few steps from her. But he was not golden or smiling. He wasn’t even angry.

Dull grey stretched across his skin. His eyes were blackened, hollow things. Blood coated every possible inch of him. That fatal gunshot still split apart his chest. A river of blood poured from it and onto the floor. In one hand, he clutched a tattered Fjerdan flag. In the other, a frantically beating heart. 

But the true horror was his lips.

Thick stitches closed his mouth, as if it were a gaping wound. A black thread was strung from one painful looking hole to another. Still, he tried to speak. A deep croak rumbled in his throat. He took a step towards her, arms held out as if to embrace her.

Nina threw herself back into the nearest mirror.

“Let me out!” Her hands and feet slammed into the glass. 

The ghastly specter crept forward, a terrified look in his glassy eyes. 

“Let me out! Let me out! Let–” The glass broke under her hands. 

Nina fell through the mirror into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to the probably butchered Russian of the song. I found something on the ever reliable Wikipedia that fit my needs and I have no idea if it is actually right.


End file.
